When Daddy went to Heaven
The day my Father went to Heaven : Heaven went to Hell
For no sooner had the Mass been said and we rang the funeral bell
Than the rows and ructions all broke out and Paradise was lost
And the Father, Son and Holy Ghost began to count the cost.
I’m told the troubles first began when he reached the Pearly Gate
And began blackguarding Peter ‘cause he dared to make him wait.
When Peter pulled the ledger out that listed Daddy’s sins
My father swore t’ was all damn lies and could not refer to him.
He refused to hear another word, he said that dying made him tired
Then put his shoulder to the door and brushed the Saint aside.
He marched through the Gates of Heaven like it was his private club
And asked a passing angel for directions to the pub.
He lost the head entirely when someone handed him a harp
And told him reels and jigs were out and on the hymns to make a start
For Daddy would have none of that, his language turned obscene
He tuned it like a fiddle and played “Revenge for Skibbereen”
He ordered Padre Pio to go and buy him twenty fags
And suggested John The Baptist should go and fetch his bags
Blessed Michael the Archangel was alerted by the shouts
And dispatched the Angel Gabriel to sort my father out.
It proved a most unequal match poor old Gaby failed the task
For Daddy fractured both his wings and kicked him up the arse.
He left the Prophets at a loss when he called them dirty pups
And went looking for Jim Larkin to start a union up.
Before long the choirs of angels were at each others’ throats
Because Me Da demanded equal rights and one angel one vote
And the saintliest of saintly saints were somewhat at a loss
When Daddy called them losers and marched off to see the Boss.
He bumped into Michael Collins, there arose a big to do
O’er the signing of the Treaty in 1922.
Next he met with DeValera and he shook him by the hand
And told him he was proud to make him Second in Command.
When they reached God’s private quarters, an angel barred the gate
But me Da and DeValera they didn’t hesitate.
DeValera kicked him in the balls and poked him in the eye
My Father grabbed him by the wings and made the feathers fly.
God was chatting to His young lad when the pair of them burst in
They had been talking of the drastic fall in the numbers coming in.
DeValera roared for whiskey: My Father called for stout
And they told the Holy Trinity it was time to sort things out.
The Almighty quickly crumbled when confronted by the pair
He agreed He’d welcome some time off and would take it then and there
To hand o’er the reins of Heaven he confessed was a relief
And for the moment Heaven would be run by Daddy and the Chief.
Sometimes in Glorious sunsets I hear a ghostly fiddle play
And the thought slips through my mind it must be Daddy’s turn today
But until the time we meet again, I pray with all my soul
That God’s regained the upper hand and has taken back control.
The day my Father went to Heaven : Heaven went to Hell
For no sooner had the Mass been said and we rang the funeral bell
Than the rows and ructions all broke out and Paradise was lost
And the Father, Son and Holy Ghost began to count the cost.